The Wedding Diet

In life we all have our little ways and processes of doing things. Some of us make great big 'to do' lists, charts, graphs...whatever will make things just a little bit easier and more organised. I do try this. If you were to look in my handbag or iPhone you'd see numerous lists of things I MUST DO NOW...but then didn't. Basically my point is I do not do anything the easy way or help myself in any fashion. If there's a hard way to do something that's exactly how I end up doing it.

My wedding planning has been no exception.

Through a combination of events and circumstance I now find myself 5 month's from 'I do' and just thrown into the mix...I'm yet again doing an international move! For those who stumble across this little blog in it's infancy that don't know, my life has consisted of the following:

Age 0 - 12 I lived in Scotland. Born and raised and I thought where I would live forever.
Age 12 - 14 I lived in California where I was happy and just...yes happy. I loved it there. Everything was good for me and for our family
Age 14 - 15 I lived in North Carolina....the dark times of my life. My brother was ill and in hospital, I felt alone lots of the time and...it just wasn't a very good time.
Age 15 - 16 I was back in Scotland. This was okay because I had a boyfriend (my now husband to be) and lots of new friends and was happy for a while.
Age 16 - present I have lived in Australia. It wasn't my decision to come here and now looking back I suppose I...am glad I came here to have the experience but I do miss Scotland, as does my fiance so as we start our new life together we've decided to make a new start.

Right now my life is hectic. I have uni, wedding planning, moving planning, I'm now unemployed which isn't great...and I'm dieting!

Dieting sucks at any time but when you're dieting for your wedding the pressure valve is ramped up to 11. Everyone has all these expectations of you and no one more so than yourself.

I had been doing the weight loss thing the "healthy" way...EG 1200 calories a day, exercising...boring! and the weight was just dripping off slowly so I will admit I did lose my mind for a minute and try a fad diet. I feel comfortable now saying it is a fad diet because I did try it as did my mum and for the 3 days we struggled through "The Juice Master" we were exhausted, cold, irritable, hungry...not very nice to be around really and spent our lives either juicing or cleaning up the mess from the juicing.

I fell off the horse in the end and decided I needed FOOD so since then I've been exercising for an hour a day and exercising and this week I've lost 2.5kg/5.51 lbs/ 0.39 stone...which is okay. So obviously the healthy balanced eating and exercise is working.

Either that or I'm stressing myself thin...whatever works...

DIY Wedding

I made the fatal mistake a few weeks ago of going onto a wedding forum and comparing my wedding and planning experience to other brides. This is such a bad thing to do for a number of reasons. Firstly, every bride thinks their wedding is going to be the best wedding ever. Secondly, everyone has different budgets, different tastes and different skills.

My skills are - OCD organising and planning, coming up with (usually expensive) ideas and...well...eating. Luckily for me I do have a skill in picking awesome creative and helpful bridesmaids as it was after one of these message board trips I had a little sob about not being creative and buying all my wedding stuff from shops and things. Enter stage left my amazing bridesmaid Allie. In the blink of an eye - seriously only like one evening - she had these made, printed, photographed and sent to me. She's amazing. My bridesmaids are all amazing.

I would share with you how she made these lovely door hangers for our guests staying at the hotel after the wedding but....I won't.

Get your own creative bridesmaid.

Say '...hmm...I guess....' to the dress

When I walked into a bridal store for the first time in my life I honestly felt like I was going into battle. In my head I was vaguely humming that Eminem song "nervous but on the surface calm and ready". I felt sick and the feeling I was about to vomit had been building over the last few days and was now at a fever pitch.

I have spent the last few months buying every wedding magazine, obsessively watching Say Yes to the Dress, Don't Tell The Bride (incidentally a terrifying program), Say Yes To The Dress Atlanta and any other vaguely wedding themed show in preparation for my first bridal appointment. You may think then that it's my fault for being so nervous and scared but you see it's theirs! The bridal shop people. For starters, when I called back in October LAST YEAR to make the appointment they laughed derisively and said I'd left it a bit last minute (I'm getting married December this year) and so I would need to wait for 5-6 months for an appointment. Straight away I was panicked and feeling like I was off track and would never get a dress and everything would be AWFUL and fall apart.

I did get one though. For March. So on I blithely trotted watching my wedding shows, reading my magazines and picturing in my head the ideal dress until March came around.

During that time I had probably everyone I knew or met asking me 'Have you picked the dress yet?', 'Any luck with the dress?'. Any time I said no the married women would give me a pitying nod as if to say 'poor thing' and the men would launch into a tirade about how traumatic the experience had been for their wives. I should have known there but the wedding shows had lulled me into a little lovely safe wedding blanket.

If you haven't seen Say Yes To The Dress (New York or Atlanta) then this is the usual shtick: the bride sits in the beautiful foyer of the store with an entourage of caring, encouraging but maybe slightly overly opinionated family and friends. Their consultant who has been already assigned to them comes out, greets them and takes them through to a really beautiful fitting room to talk about their favourite styles of dress, the style of wedding and of course the all important fiance. The girls then give their consultant words to work from: vintage, lacy, princess-y, ball-gown, flowy. Their wedding might be taking place in 4 weeks in their parents backyard, in 6 months in a hotel in Manhattan and sometimes people come in not even engaged and annoyingly get engaged on screen and are *gasp* so surprised! The consultant will then pull 4-5 dresses. They'll try them on, their family will gasp and nod and cry  and they have a brilliant little gay stylist guy who they bring out for advice and then when they're nearing the big decision they "hype" the bride up by putting the veil on her and giving her a little bouquet and standing her on a pedestal whilst everyone cry s and she cry s and the gay guy cry s and everyone screams "I'm saying yes to the dress!" and its all amazing and perfect and annoying. Now don't think me cynical. At the time I was wrapped up in it and believed this was true. This was the experience I am going to get I stupidly thought. WRONG.

On the day of my appointment (I had two appointments at the two best stores in my area, back to back) I walked into the bridal store with just myself and my mum and a $5000 budget pre-alterations. I was already a bit upset I already was missing an entourage. I live in Australia and my Aunts, grandmothers, friends and bridesmaids are thousands of miles away in Scotland so already I was an entourage down.

It is hard for me here to describe to you how awful the first dress shop was immediately. I had spent weeks researching it and this was the mecca of bridal stores in my area. If your dress wasn't here it didn't exist basically. They had everything I was told.

First off was the sign on the door. 'Due to copyright laws we ask you not take any photo's or videos. No iPhones, no laptops, no DSLR's, no camera's, no Skyping.' I was upset straight away as I knew I wanted and needed photo's to show my family back home. My mum was appalled and didn't want to go in on that basis.

I walked in and in lieu of some chirpy little assistant the smell greeted me. It honest to God smelled like a charity shop. I understand that the dresses are well worn and maybe a bit sweaty under the pits but dry clean them! Open a window...light a candle! God! It smelled damp and sweaty and the lighting was dingy and dark.

I then met my consultant who looked to be the only one in the store over the age of 18 who then told me she didn't have the dress I wanted to try on and had looked at obsessively and wanted to try on first and I was to chose another 4 or 5 gowns to try on and left us to it. We looked around for about 20 minutes and really really struggled to chose even one dress to try on. They were cheap looking, bad quality and dirty. Like, really dirty. I eventually chose 3 and went into the dressing room with this woman where I was unceremoniously stripped to my knickers, bra off just standing there talking about the shade of my bridesmaid dresses with this strange woman and her ugly dresses.

I had sort of hoped in my heart of hearts I'd try on my first dress and there would be tears and fireworks and we'd buy it and it would be great buy it wasn't. I was heaved in and out of dresses for the next 45 minutes until I was hot, sweaty and fed up. I tried to describe to my consultant how I liked a certain part of a dress but not the bottom half say and she'd bring out all these materials and try and construct a frankenstein of a dress on me that was basically just a poor version of the dress I'd seen that they didn't stock. I felt dejected and annoyed and panicky. I felt that sick feeling again but for a different reason. How was I going to find a dress? Was there even a dress out there for me? I felt like she wanted me to just settle. 'Some people don't have that wow moment' she kept saying 'For some people it's just a bit calmer and the wow comes from different things - like seeing your new husband on the day'. But I wanted to be wowed! I wanted to scream. I know what my husband will look like, I've met him already! I wanted to say 'Yes!' to the dress! Nothing I saw here excited me beyond 'hm....yeah thats....okay..' My mum saw I'd had enough and wrapped up the appointment and we left.

When we got outside we both spun into a panic. What were  we going to do? If that's the best in the city we'll need to go elsewhere. Where do we go? Where could I try on the dress I loved?

We had time between this disaster and our next appointment so went for lunch to debrief. On the way I called the second store we had an appointment at and asked if they stocked the dress I like. They did. Right then I knew it was going to be okay and this place would be better. I'd find my dress here.

When we got to the next store they had the same sign on the door - no cameras, phones, skyping etc etc but the atmosphere inside the next shop was night and day compared to the last one. There was nice music on, the lighting was bright and beautiful. All the dresses I could see were gorgeous, even the ones that weren't my taste. All their materials were so much better. She again told me to chose a few dresses I liked. She had already taken my favourite dress off the rack and when she pulled that out I just wanted to try it on. It was beautiful and perfect. I chose another few dresses regardless and went into the dressing room.

My consultant then made me try on the other gowns before trying on my favourite. I had told her about my bad experience that morning and I think she wanted me to enjoy this. She also probably knew better than I did that when I tried that dress on it would be a done deal and once I had that on wouldn't try anything else.

Each dress I tried on was lovely. I loved different things about them but they just weren't perfect. Then came the dress. The material was luxurious and smooth as it slipped on. I felt it straight away. I knew this was the dress. I chose not to say anything until I'd seen my "entourage's" reaction. When I walked out my mum looked stunned right away and it was then I finally got my moment. I said Yes! to my dress.

I also said yes to a rather gorgeous veil and obscenely expensive belt to finish off the dress.

I think it's very hard for brides these days. There are a lot of pressures from these bridal TV shows and magazines for everything to be just right. We probably do have higher expectations than previous generations of brides but to that I say 'why not?'. We have this one day for everything to be perfect, for all eyes to be on us and in striving for greatness I don't see why we should settle for anything less than the best.

PS - when you eventually do chose the dress and pay for the thing they do let you take photos, it's nothing to do with copyright laws they just dont want you getting it cheaper anywhere else. For this reason they also change the names of the dresses the designer gives them so a Vera Wang 'Plum' dress might become 'Josephine' in the stores dialogue.


AK.

Venue

Always prepare for the worst.

Until you have a wedding venue nothing else matters. Getting your venue booked is the foundations of your wedding - the building blocks upon which this whole stressful day can precariously rest.

I live in Australia and I'm planning my wedding in Scotland via the internet so I cyber visited every venue from Orkney to Gretna. I could tell you everything from average price per head, who has the best drinks packages, best menu's, cosiest bars for pre wedding drinks - for every venue all over Scotland.

It was for this reason I thought I was prepared and had made an informed decision when I decided upon Oran Mor in Glasgow for my big day.

It seemed relaxed, casual and had a youthful vibe that I loved. It is an old church that has been converted to a funky bar and function room.

Oran Mor

I was on the brink of booking the entire wedding over the internet and just trusting that this was the perfect venue. But something held me back. I decided to wait until I went back to Scotland for a family wedding in June. I called up Oran Mor, made an appointment to come see it and that was that. No back up venues to look at, no alternative escape routes. I was in Scotland for 4 weeks and arranged only one venue to look around. Big mistake.

On the day we went there were two carloads - one containing me, my future husband Mr B, my amazing Maid of Honour and her boyfriend who is also one of our groomsmen and the other containing my mum, dad, aunt and grandmother. So the whole family was there to witness this catastrophic day.

It was cold and wet - rain was pelting down on us as we walked from the carpark to the venue. I felt a feeling of unease in my stomach but didn't say anything in case this turned out to be the perfect place and I had slated it before I even seen inside. So I ignored the rain, ignored the 'Heineken' umbrellas perched outside the front door and the rickety steps leading up to it and went inside.

My heart fell straight away.

It was the perfect place....if you wanted a burger and a pint for lunch. It wasn't a wedding venue. There were people in the pub on the ground floor drinking, eating, being a bit rowdy and listening to music. We stood in the cold entrance hall waiting on the events coordinator to show us around and I eyed my surroundings. There were murals all over the walls but the paint was chipping and it just looked a bit cheap and like a community project. There were flyers all over the place advertising concerts and STD clinics. I had visions of my friends and family huddled here on a cold winters day and seeing all this and wondering where I had taken them to.

Eventually the wedding coordinator appeared. She was very nice and friendly and took us up in groups of 3 - the elevator was too small to accommodate anymore people. When I got upstairs and walked into the venue I felt...underwhelmed. It had the same air as the ground floor drinking pit. Stale air, the scent of spilled pints and chipped paint on the walls. 

I had to keep reminding myself this was a place asking for upwards of £70 per head for weddings in here. I asked a few questions to be polite and show a mock interest but straight away my mum saw and my maid of honour saw the disappointment in my face and knew it wasn't it.

I made some excuse about having other venues to look around and bowed out as quickly as I could but as we were taken down in the elevator again I knew, my family knew and I think even the woman knew - there was no way I'd be saying 'I Do' in this place.

Perfection

I found myself sitting in the car 15 minutes later feeling deflated. My hair was curling up from the rain, the car was silent with 4 people not quite knowing what to say or do now and I felt lost. I had 3 weeks left in this country to organise my wedding venue and here it was all falling apart.

It is at times like this when you remember why you have amazing friends and why you pick your amazing friends to be in your bridal party. My ever resourceful and organised maid of honour had - whilst my head was fogged with the stench of stale beer in the last venue - called another venue I had loved but dismissed in the search for the perfect venue and made an appointment there for later that afternoon.

I set up a makeshift office in the front seat of the car with my iPhone, a pen and one of the STD flyers from the last place. I looked up all the other venues I'd liked and attempted to get appointments. There was one not too far away and in the desperation to see something - anything - to get me feeling a bit more hopeful I told her I'd be there in half an hour and we quickly dodged our way through traffic to the other end of Glasgow to see it. And it was lovely. It was in a nice area, had a lovely sweeping drive leading up to it. It was like a castle shrunk down. Very intimate and cosy but still large enough to hold all the guests. The prices were right as well and there was a lovely little church across the street we could have the ceremony in. I was feeling much happier. I liked it a lot. But it wasn't the one.

We had one appointment left of the day. One more chance to get it right for today. 'Even if it's not this one..' I reasoned in my head on the way there 'we've seen 3 venues today so we'll be able to see more before we go home'. I was feeling much better.

When we pulled off the motorway and were driving down the country lane I imagined myself in a car with my mum and dad the night before my wedding. I felt as if I were somewhere I had been a million times before.

A huge sign told us we had arrived - Mar Hall, Earl of Mar Estate. This was it.

There was a long drive leading us into the hotel with tree's lining the way and little rabbits and birds fluttering around. I felt calm there. When we rounded the corner and I saw firstly, the marquee overlooking the river clyde, the river I'd grown up looking at from my bedroom window, the amazing views then finally the hotel I was in love.

We parked up and went in. Everything was perfect. Plush red carpets, calming music playing discreetly and lovely staff who directed us to some lovely cosy couches to wait on the wedding coordinator. I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. The ceremony room was elegant, classic - gorgeous. The marquee was beautiful. I could imagine myself at the top table looking out at all my friends and family, imagine dancing on the dance floor with my new husband. And to top it off the wedding coordinator was one of the loveliest happiest people you could ever hope to meet in your life. This was it.

And that, is the story of how I found my venue. It was stressful, reduced me to tears and left me exhausted but I found it. And I know I found the perfect place to spend the happiest day of my life.

I never did call those other venues back to tell them I wasn't interested either...oops!